i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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