In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
