he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
