In America we eat man semen.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
