dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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