and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
