I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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