I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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