Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
