So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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