I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
