You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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