I wish I could teleport
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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