Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
