I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
