...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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