Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
