I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
