It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
