In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
