I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
