mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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