I love black thongs
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
