So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
