In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
