So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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