oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
