I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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