Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
