Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
