his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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