Old men and throwing up are my life now.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
