i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There's a naked man in my car right now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
