I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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