covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
