at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
