Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
