I'd wear matching sweaters with you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
