I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
