A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
