In the future we'll all be gay
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
