I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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