I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
