I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
