I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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