I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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