just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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