He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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