his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
