i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
