I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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