would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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