He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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