I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
