I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm at about main and main street
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
