this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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